If My Cats Weren’t so Cute, I Might Kill them
The pros and cons of cat ownership.
I am not just a cat person; I am the head cat of my household.
The welcome mat at my door says, “Beware of Attack Cat,” and that’s me. My cats know I am the boss, and they know when the boss is mad or has had enough of their complaining and destruction.
They’re smart as hell and know how to tick me off. Cesar is the alpha, though Xena, the Warrior Princess, is no shrinking violet and has no trouble smacking him if he goes over the line. Whatever that line is.
Often he just walks too close to her.
Good girl!
I love them, and I hate them, and that’s what this article is about.
So, Pros and Cons…here we go.
Let the rant begin.
Cat Cons
1/ Xena can leap onto countertops in a single bound and make it all the way up to the top of the cabinets in two. This means nothing is safe. It can be broken or eaten on a whim.
Cesar makes the bound to the countertop to irritate Xena.
2/ Their stomachs are bottomless pits, and no morsel is safe unless I put it in the refrigerator, oven, or microwave. They have managed to find a way to open my cabinets.
My food is their food. Once I made the mistake of leaving a hot dog bun unattended. I can tell you that it takes two cats, two minutes to devour, and scoff half a hot dog bun.
3/ They take turns destroying my chairs, wooden furniture and woodwork.
There are deep, tiny holes in my windowsills and long skid marks on my furniture from several takeoffs and landings.
4/ Fur, fur everywhere. Floors, furniture, clothes, and counters.
5/ Kitty litter everywhere. It sticks to their paws. Though the mess is not intentional, it is still a mess.
And I mean every damn day.
6/ Yowling to eat more. And more. And more.
7/ Nocturnal bursts of energy followed by the crashing and breaking of anything that gets in their way. There’s no remorse unless I jump out of bed and get good and mad.
Then they hide.
For about five minutes.
8/ Furballs in the form of a long turd. It’s so fun to sink my bare feet into one, especially in the morning before I’ve had coffee.
9/ Clawing the rugs to show me who’s boss and to make me get out of bed and feed them. This is courtesy of Xena.
I hurl a small pine pillow at her, but it’s all in vain.
She repeats this action until I’m up and on my feet.
10/ Cat breath in my face, courtesy of Cesar. Need I say more?
Cat Pros
1/ They’re happy to see me when I walk in the door. Of course, they want food.
2/ Cesar enjoys sports, so I always have company when I’m watching them. Hey, I live in Boston, home of the Hatriots, and I love the Bruins as well. Cesar prefers football.
3/ They keep me company whenever I sit on the couch. Cesar is on my shoulder, he has to be higher, and Xena snuggles against my hip. Cesar often stretches out his paw and puts it on my hand. He then gives me kitty kisses with his eyes.
Xena responds with wet kitty kisses.
Who do you love more, mommy?
4/ Cesar is the writing cat. Anytime I sit at my desk; I can count on a cat butt in my face. Every writer needs a cat to keep them company.
5/ Cesar keeps me company when I take a shower. He’s looking for brownie points for being the most attentive.
6/ Both sit attentively in their respective windows and guard our home. This is a deterrent to intruders who don’t want to mess with the feline guards.
7/ Both cuddle and keep me warm on cold nights.
8/ Both snuggle with me in bed. Cesar in front and Xena in the crook of my knees. If I move, I’ve disturbed them, and all bets are off; for a few minutes anyway.
9/ Xena watches movies with me. We enjoy period pieces, and she absolutely loved Downton Abby. Cesar enjoyed Game of Thrones, though both of us found the final episode anti-climactic.
10/They really are cute!
Well, it looks like the pros and cons are pretty equal. When they’re good, they’re very, very good. But when they’re bad, they’re beyond horrid.
Making beelines to the door and running outside.
Tumbling on the floor, spitting, scratching, and biting one another.
And the cat box is never any fun, but that’s the price you pay. I mean they have to poop somewhere.
And then again they’re cute. They’re smart. And they’re good company. That’s it, the pros have it.
I think I won’t kill them.
I’ll keep them.
