Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. Your experience taught you a lot: that we judge ourselves too harshly, that we have no control, that change is constant and we have no control. I am a Spiritualist and believe that death is only the death of the body. I don’t believe we ever die alone and we are not judged, at least not in the way we think. Our lives and the lessons we’ve learned are reviewed.The energy that makes us, us continues and we live in spirit where there is only love. Keep exploring. Spirit is beautiful.